I have been thinking a lot about how much our personal thoughts and the words we feed
our mind manifest their presence in our lives.
The world is changing, there is no doubt about that. I mean- FACE EATTING- c'mon!!

I wonder what would happen if all we did was push out the negative and replace it with
forward movement. Einstein said something along the lines of you can't destroy energy you
can only replace it. I need to do this. I need to replace my figitty, raw, unfocused energy and
turn it into something good... I sometimes feel very afraid of "good"
I am going to start tomorrow with one little something different... something that takes
focused effort and energy.... and I am not going to think about anything else... but just
living in the moment... one step in front of the other... postive forward energy. Baby steps.
Everything has to BEGIN somewhere. Doesn't it? I am getting to old for procrastination,
which lets face it, procrastination is just stale energy being sat on, made to be still when
the very act goes against the nature of itself. Energy is made to go forward... to create, to
enlighten...  I don't want to live in my world of cliches... TOO many good things are slipping
through my fingers 'cause I can't get a grip. Baby steps.... what was it that Julia Robert's character
said at the end of , Eat,Pray, Love? The Physics of the Quest...


Physics of the Quest

"IF you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting; which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments and set out on a truth-seeking journey (either externally or internally) and...

IF you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue and...

IF you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher and...

IF you are prepared – most of all – to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself...

THEN then truth will not be withheld from you. "


The energy of letting go and moving forward... no matter how small the change from a 5 minute walk, to eatting fruit over junk food, NOT calling him because you know if he wants you he will call.... all these little changes in our energy , our own personal field of energy.. that's where we begin.

So I am lost. I don't think I am depressed. Actually, all and all things are pretty good. I am 43. A young 43. I am a single white female with fabulous Creole roots. I am broke, but aren't we all? I am creative and insightful. I am the mother of  a wonderful 21 year old son. I have friends and family
who love me. And I am so lost! Due to any infortunate series of events, I find myself starting over, AGAIN. My son is happy and living his own life. I have no ties, really. Trying to build my own business, which is for the most part, portable. Computers make life easier at times.
 So basically, with a little hard work and some cutting corners and creative finance... I could live anywhere. The question now becomes where would I go? Don't get me wrong, I am grateful... but I am also stuck, stagnant, drifting in the wind. So how do I find real purpose? Why do I feel as if I can'r find home? And why the need to strike out with the North Wind and just drift?

I am posing some of these questions in a Blog  because I know I am not the only one who
feels this way. I want to use this space to unwind and refocus myself.

I need to loose weight, I have no energy. My sex life is ... well let's just say, WHAT sex life..
and I need to find myself and my path. I keep going back to that scene in, Under the Tuscan Sun, where Patti tells Francis she is becoming that empty shell person... and Francis says,"That is so Oprah" 

IS THIS A MID-LIFE CRISIS??! Sigh... cliche and whiny... lol... that's me... but still, I am seeking,
and asking and wanting anf yearning for some intangible, ethereal light to shine in my soul and shine
through that rather blank stare that is in my eyes these days...

And these new roads are solitary
the company that I seek is not
a someone
rather
me
alone
with nothing but
my thoughts
and the
sun
and the
stars
my journey
belongs
to no one
who I am
becoming
is between
me and the
moon
the north wind
and
the night song